Maybe it’s the string of cold weather we’ve been “enjoying,” although I don’t mind it. But everything feels exhausting. On the markets side, it feels like we’re one or two events away from something breaking. It could be that the expected revenue from AI for hyper-scalers comes in well below the 1.1 trillion, or 650 billion, or whatever number is currently bandied about. It’s exhausting that no one else sees that as unsustainable and ridiculous. It’s exhausting to see grown people who should be grounded in reality tout the benefits of burning mountains of wealth to build something that isn’t working, but if it did, could lead to existential threats and mass unemployment. But if we accept the fantasy it does work, they become very rich. It’s exhausting to hear we “don’t have the money” for problems such as affordable health care. It’s exhausting to watch someone take seriously the idea that humanoid robots will be a many trillions of dollar industry. It’s exhausting to watch the great big ball of money slosh around, slowly grind away the wealth of retail investors. It’s exhausting to see those investors fail to see the difference between investment and gambling.

On the technology side it’s exhausting to talk about AI and the marginal improvements in each new model. It’s exhausting to see the same lazy, uneducated arguments that it will replace workers, made by people who have little to no idea what those workers do. It’s exhausting to see tech leaders who may be seeing the limits of AI suddenly start to re-hash other technologies to spark a new bubble. It’s exhausting to see formerly reliable products and services suddenly break in strange ways and wonder if someone had vibe-coded that feature. It’s exhausting to spend good money on products that can only be discarded if anything breaks. It’s exhausting to go on the web and realize it’s become more of a data harvesting, surveillance, addiction, and manipulation tool rather than an information sharing tool. It’s exhausting to look at the web, where anyone could create anything they wanted, reduced to four or five destinations for decent people and truly awful places for the rest. It’s exhausting to hear people twist speech to avoid “demonetizing” their content with perfectly normal words, while truly vile people are allowed to spew their hate with impunity.

It’s exhausting to deal with mandates to return to the office, when the office is a room with six-foot wide desks and equally glum co-workers trying to focus by sandwiching their head in noise canceling head-phones, while their dual-monitors serve as blinders to the surrounding motion. It’s exhausting to constantly get prodded with notifications and alerts to pay attention to something that wasn’t important. It’s exhausting to wonder if the next re-org will require me to report to an office thousands of miles away, while the company offers no relocation assistance. It’s exhausting to think about what I’ll do when the bubble bursts and I will lose a job I like. It’s exhausting to look at the options for lunch and realize it’s all various types of slop food where you take a bowl of whatever back to your office break area. It’s exhausting to pass by the well equipped home office you have to leave commute to work, realizing that you are still expected to return to that home office when not at the actual office. It’s exhausting to have your managers start tracking metrics for AI usage, even when you don’t feel like it makes you any more productive.

It’s exhausting to see half the country is happy to be on the way to a racist, authoritarian hell-hole, where the corrupt leader, his corrupt family, and corrupt patrons grossly enrich themselves. It’s exhausting to hear people talk about the constitution that have never read it. It’s exhausting to listen to a court eviscerate the independence of independent agencies, by try to find a carve out for the Federal Reserve (because money must be protected). It’s exhausting to watch law enforcement turned into paramilitaries that intentionally start confrontations, eagerly letting loose tear gas and flash-bang grenades, while arresting people with the intent to subjugate rather than protect. It’s exhausting to see those paramilitaries execute their fellow citizens in the street. It’s exhausting to see Federal law enforcement cover it up and our leaders lie when there’s plenty of contradictory video. It’s exhausting to watch LAPD’s finest, who have judgement after judgement against them from civil rights and abuse suits, unleash a rubber bullet into a woman’s abdomen and laugh. It’s exhausting to see the press and the media white-wash the issue or see it in the leas of traditional politics. It’s exhausting to realize that so many people want a racist ethnic cleansing of the country.

It’s exhausting to watch people abandon reality and honesty, passing around memes and clips that are known to be lies. It’s exhausting to watch people we’ve elevated with massive audiences repeat lies. It’s exhausting to watch the “new media” just regurgitate the facts from “legacy media”, eliding anything that doesn’t fit their narrative, and injecting their own lies. It’s exhausting to have a president who parrots racist, AI generated, slop we know to be lies. It’s exhausting to see the flood of these brainless bits of digital garbage wash up on our shore with the intend to poison our minds, so we don’t know what’s true from what’s a lie. It’s exhausting to know medical professionals who voted for this, because they can’t stand “all the laws and rules” from the “federal government”, but who know that the administration’s vaccination advice is a dangerous lie. It’s exhausting because so many of these people have stopped caring about truth.

Five paragraphs on why I sometimes think this can’t be reality. It can’t be the world we live in. That the real world has to be better than this. The real world can’t be this self destructive, greedy, self-serving, and stupid. That obviously none of this is real. But it is real. It is the daily gristle of our lives we are forced to chew and can’t spit out. It tastes bitter and revolting. We are just forced to quietly to chew and chew because every else sits quietly and chews. Our political leaders, who we trust to voice our concerns, tell us that sitting quietly and chewing makes better people because we want the system to work. And there’s plenty of people on the other side who, off the record, behind closed doors, and very discretely tell us that they also think this gruel tastes awful. They wring their hands in consternation about it all the time. Our leaders say they can work with these people and get real things done. So if we site and quietly chew, don’t disrupt too much, and everything will be okay.

But sometimes go stand on the side of the road with signs and some cars honk at our clever, home-made signs. Other cars give us the finger. I’ve tried understanding the person behind that upturned middle finger, but I’m beginning to think the good I try to find isn’t there. That we are dealing with an irreconcilable vision of the country in which we want to live. That it’s not about taxes, the price of eggs, traditional roles, or their religious conscience. It’s about subjugation, humiliation, and a self-centered disregard for others. It’s dirty, it’s filthy, and it’s twisted. The idea there’s no set of shared values with those people is exhausting.